I like neat, efficient end products. 

Processes take time, sweat, and tears, and they usually leave me with massive messes. 

But this art and science and battle of raising a family is all about the process. There’s not a neat, efficient end product at bedtime. There’s mud, blood, laundry, and a stack of overdue library books. 

Does an artist recognize when a masterpiece is finished? Does a scientist nod in satisfaction when an experiment runs its course? Or is there always more? More to discover, more to stir in, more to try?

My family is not on a tidy timeline that only moves forward. We cycle through processes of eating, cleaning, nurturing, and sharing. We stumble and fight and battle the same sins. We help each other up and keep moving. Sometimes I lament that we should already be an efficient end product. Wouldn’t that be more productive and measurable? I wonder if we will reach a point when our family is model-cute or role model-behaved. 

This immersion in the processes has led me to wonder about it all, and how God, the great artist and scientist of creation, views it. 

Nurturing children is no-doubt a process, and energetic kids relish in processes. Delightful squeals surround mud puddles. Laughter accompanies glue and glitter. Fully functioning bicycles are dismantled for fun, and cookie batter is stirred heartily with no thought of the heap of dishes and flour spills. The muddy clothes are tossed in a pile, the fun is in the play with the glitter rather than the picture, the bicycle parts await Dad’s fix-it ability, and the cookies are eaten without snapping a Pinterest-worthy picture. For them it’s about the process, not a product. 

This whole parenting gig is definitely a character-building process, and sometimes I see the scary fact that I still need more character-building than my primeval kids. I’d rather bypass all the mess and be a neat, efficient end product right now that can quickly transform my kids into the goal of perfection. But God tells us in 1 Peter 2:5, “you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.” It does not say ‘you were already built and I’m done working with you.’ Instead, God assures us that we are being built. We’re like a building with a picture displayed of what is happening behind the construction fence. We’re in progress, with improvements coming soon. Sure there’s an end goal, that we’ll be holy and offer spiritual sacrifices, but the transforming process must be important to God, or He would’ve made us perfect from the start. 

If we are being transformed into a holy priesthood, then we must have begun as unholy. Most days I certainly don’t feel holy yet. I make mistakes and take steps backward. I repent and try again the next day. The example I set for my kids is not one of perfection, but rather a process toward the goal of an ambassador for Christ. I sure hope that the mess and experiments that make up our family life indicate that I’m on the right path – that we as a family are on the path to holiness.  

Sometimes I think I will retire when my kids help the needy, or that I can sign off when they buy a house or collect a diploma. Masterpieces might always benefit from another stroke of the brush, and experiments may always have room for more exploration. This art and science and battle of raising children is not just about an end product. It’s a beautiful process of becoming holy, sprinkled with botched-up moments and struggles to find peace. We must trust God that this process of parenting, of life, of producing fruit, will be worth it. And not just in the end, but all along the way to holiness. 

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*This article first appeared on Flourish Motherhood in January 2021*

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I know this mini-series of blog posts specifically about motherhood and homeschooling is quite a bit different than my usual posts, but if you know a mom who would appreciate this article, please share the encouragement 🙂